This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
