Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize