Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
