I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize