it's too hot outside to masturbate.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
