I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Only a mothe r could love this liver
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
