It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
