OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Randomize
