is your mom at the bar?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize