Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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