I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
4 words: hood of his car
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
