Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
