I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
