She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
