Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
