Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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