I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
