Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
