Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
