Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Randomize
