Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
