And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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