I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
