I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize