Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
