i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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