dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
