that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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