i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
its not stalking. its research.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
