I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
