Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
