I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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