So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Farmville is her only friend.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
