Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
