No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
