with your own penis?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
