Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
MIDGETS
????
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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