we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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