Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
