This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
