i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
