Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
