if only i could text you this smell
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
