There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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