Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
