me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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