last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
