i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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