We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She needs sedatives and a leash
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
