when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
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I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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