God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
