Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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