When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
