dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
