She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
