the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
