Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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