M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
