meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
