it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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