So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
