Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
