the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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