I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
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All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
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I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We smell like vodka and hangover
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