He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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