He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
