he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
