Where is the hickey?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
