I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
