dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
