hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
