I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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