He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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