she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
